The Season of Awakening
This has been quite a season - not like the holiday season or flu season, or any other season I have ever experienced. I can't recall the exact starting point, but I remember the feeling of a new awareness, an awakening that began, and it has turned a new light on that only continues to grow brighter as time goes on.
It's funny, I've been working on the curriculum for my "Personal Growth" course over the past six months and I've seen it evolve, much like my self-awareness. I thought I had the course down pat several months ago, but some personal speed bumps got in the way that took me to a fork in the road that turned out to be the most perfect and delicious detour. This is one of the most eye-opening insights for me recently - that the speed bumps and detours can lead you to the best destination.
I have also found myself feeling a bit more detached from simple issues and problems, yet at the same time extremely frustrated when others get tangled up in them. So the new journey begins to try to find that new "space" where I can walk the tight-rope between the two dualities - one where I'm detached from the trivialities "that used to weigh me down; and the other where I am pulled back because it just isn't "normal" to walk around with our head in the clouds," now, is it?
I keep having moments of wonder - some where I wonder how long this season will last; and some where I wonder how many other souls are walking a parallel path with me. The moments of wonder that catch me off guard are those when I think back to an unforgettable conversation with my late husband a few days before he left this earth. We had just finished dinner at our favorite restaurant and walked to the car to head home. He climbed in and sat ... just staring off for several minutes before he started the car. Finally I asked him what was wrong. "Nothing," he said, "I just feel so - detached." Naturally, sometimes in my awareness of feelings of detachment, I wonder, "Is this is my 'moment' - just days before leaving this earth? Is this how he felt, or was it different?"
I feel so full during this season of growth. I see life everywhere, and I feel gratitude for what I would have called silly before - like how the trees are blowing, and the tone and lyrics of a song I've heard one hundred times that now brings me to my knees. I see so many reasons to create everything meaningful and eliminate everything else. And I want to talk with everyone who GETS it - to share about this - to dig deep and know and breathe and feel it through my soul.
This growing season might feel like a weird out of body experience if you're unaware and it catches you by surprise. Or it could become an "into your soul journey" if you treat it with care, and explore all that you discover.