Moms are on my mind today - especially the special relationships between Moms and daughters, and going back to being a young kiddo, how that plays out as an adult, and what a huge impact it can have on life in general. My Mom has been on my mind the last couple days since she arrives in town tomorrow (those words are rarely spoken) and it's been 10 years since she stayed with me which was during the week of my late husband's funeral. It was a really memorable week that I would like to mind-erase forever.
We always clashed when I was younger, as many Moms and daughters do. So it's really good to be in a good place with her now and so nice to "get" her.
It's always been hard for me to talk with women who are living out the result of a mom/daughter relationship full of conflict.
Seeing what that can do to a girl who grows to be a woman who's troubled with questions wondering what she did wrong as a child -- carrying around a head full of memories about how "Mom was always mad at me," or, "I could never please Mom." It's hard to explain that for the most part, most Moms are doing the best job they can with what they have at any given time.
Sadly, some Moms just don't have all the tools or emotional capacity to give their kids what they need. It's not their fault, but it's just how it is. I know plenty of Moms who are stressed out, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, unloved, unrecognized, dirt poor, sick, exhausted and feeling hopeless - but they're still nice and kind and loving at the end of the day.
It takes only a few moments for a Mom to stop and re-frame her words or mindset when she might have had an outburst or been critical or harsh. Yet it sometimes takes a lifetime for a grown woman looking back to un-remember the things she heard or felt that hurt her heart and soul.
If you are a Momma reading this, make it a promise to always give it your all, despite your imperfections and always be kind, despite your stress level. Don't forget, when your daughter's back is against the wall, you are all she's got.
"A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future." - Anonymous